There is something really lovely about putting your little one down and hearing them quietly chatting or babbling to themselves as they drift off. It feels calm, reassuring, and like everything is working as it should. I had a lovely report from one family I worked with who told me their little one went to find his own sleeping bag when he was told it was sleep time, ready to go off to sleep.
The other side of the coin is hearing your baby crying at bedtime. This can feel particularly hard for parents. It is easy to feel unsure about what to do, and as a parent or carer it can bring up anxiety and stress.
What does crying at bedtime mean
Babies and young children do not have the words to tell us what is going on, so they sometimes communicate through crying. It is their way of letting you know that something does not feel quite right.
That could be hunger, discomfort, being too hot or too cold, overstimulated, overtired…. the list goes on, and it can be tricky to work out what they need in that moment after a busy day.
A consistent bedtime routine plays a really important role in making sure your baby or toddler’s needs are met. When you have gone through the usual steps like feeding, changing, cuddles and connection, you can feel more confident that their needs have been met, and having a calm and consistent bedtime routine in place can make a big difference here.
It is not unusual for little ones to have a short period of fussing or crying at bedtime, even when everything is in place. This is often referred to as ‘decompression’, and it is totally normal, usually lasting around 5 to 10 minutes.
If your baby is crying at bedtime for longer and you have checked that there are no ‘issues’, it is usually a sign that something is slightly off with the timing of sleep.
Very often, this comes back to being overtired or not quite tired enough.
When little ones become overtired, their bodies release cortisol and adrenaline (when I write the next blog about this – can you come back in and put the link to it here) , which makes it much harder for them to settle, even though they are exhausted. This is when bedtime can feel particularly difficult, with more intense bedtime protests.
It is always reassuring to know that small changes and adjustments to awake windows and nap lengths can make a big difference to how your little one settles at bedtime. Looking at the daily routine and making a few small changes can often be all that is needed.
If bedtime tears are happening regularly, it does not mean you have done anything wrong. It is usually just your child telling you they need a little bit of support or a small change somewhere in their routine.
If you are feeling unsure, or things have started to feel harder than they were, you do not have to figure it out on your own. You can book a free 15 minute call if you would like to talk things through and get things feeling calmer again.
